Let anyone who has thought of the Jungle Book reading the title of the post raises his hand! If you do not see what I am referring to click here (and think about watching the Disney cartoons you missed part of your childhood there). Today we are going to talk about self-confidence because it is an important subject, which is important to me, on which I worked years before being the cool girl that I am today (I have not the right to say that? ^^) but especially the girl feeling super good on her shoes.
Note before starting: self-confidence is not innate. In some people it is more developed than others as of the youngest of age in others no but nothing is frozen! Everything can evolve, even more if you have decided it and you work on it.
To illustrate the fact that it is not innate I will have to tell you about me (again but you like when I talk about me no? Be nice!). To show you that you can be a teenager with zero self-confidence and end up a young adult full of self-confidence. That nothing is impossible and that behind every person who today has confidence in himself hides a story.
I do not remember having been a confidence child (I prefer not to affirm this fact, my mother sometimes comes here and I leave an open door in case she asserts to me the opposite ^^), imagine a little girl with glasses, curly hair and a name that does not rhyme with any poetry that the teachers forced us to write. Yes not easy to be 5 years old in 1993 but for the little I remember this period was fun, I learned to speak and read 2 things I love so much now. Thereafter it gets a bit complicated. Like everyone else, the adolescence came to pick me up and this naughty girl did not miss me. I do not keep a good memory of college (between 11 and 15 years in France), it is not a period that I particularly enjoyed. I remember most of the other’s mockery about having small breasts (the 12 years old kids can be awful) or that I was not dressed from head to toe like them with expensive brands. The college is a nice passage to ruin the self-confidence of a person who is building up. I was at that time rather good student, girlfriend with the “nerds” as they were called, I was not cool enough to hang out with cool kids, I was having lunch at home and therefore absent when the buddies did their first crap, I missed the moments of group cohesion on top of that. (But I would never complain about being lucky enough to have a dad who picked me up at 12pm each day and a mom who was cooking for us).
Somehow I dragged my loaves up to high school. I discovered another world, I left the house from 7 am to 7 pm, I moved away from what I had always known, I met new girlfriends, I had a nice band of friends, I gained independence. School level: the sound of the bell is different, I take down gently and let me belittle by teachers who have forgotten that the pupils are not small humans beings that can be destroyed without consequence. I have no idea what I want to do after the graduation, everything is very blurry for me and I find no motivation to prepare the future (how could have known what I wanted to do, my current job did not exist back then, it was not really my fault eventually). I graduated, catching up, I went to universtity (LEA English / Spanish). In 2006 my level of English was .. nonexistent. Short story: I take a year to find me and the next September coming I integrate a BTS (2 years program) Commerce International in Montélimar (big up the country of Nougat!). It is really an important step for me, I found something that I like, I get involved, I meet people who are today 10 years after close friends and especially I begin to be recognized for my skills and my qualities. I have teachers who know how to motivate me and push me forward.
Personal events cut me off and destroyed what I had begun to build. I am lower than the ground, but I have in my heart a character of beating which is a little difficult to show up.
I continue my good way and in September 2011 join the teams of an international German company. They trust me, entrust me with a damaged sector, disgruntled customers, and I am told that nothing will be easy. Step by step I rebuild a viable and healthy sector. A second time I am recognized for my work, my skills and I have a job that I love.
Personally I get more and more difficult with the people I let come into my life. I no longer want to be hurt, I have big problems trusting other people.
In March 2014 I quit, I love my job but I need more. I’m moving abroad. In July 2014 I launch the blog, I begin my Canadian life, I am far from home, nobody expects anything from me, I can be who I want. Rather I can be the person I am but who is content to meet the expectations of those around me.
In 2017 I am happy, fulfilled in my life, I am no longer afraid to express my opinion, I do not let anyone hurt me, I no longer hide, I assume what I do well, I assume my mistakes . I have confidence in myself. How do we get there?
The approval of the other.
It is in the nature of the human being to want the approval of the other and you actually do not need it, your choices, your desires must be guided by yourself. You are the person with whom you will live all your life, it is better to be in accord with your desires than that of another person. I have long needed the recognition of the other to move forward, I was looking for the validation of a third person to feel that what I had done was well. Today I appreciate the returns and validations but I do not need any more to move forward, the nuance is here. Appreciate the returns around you but do not be dependent on them.
The perception of the other.
Your vision is not an absolute truth. In high school I thought I was not good enough for the new “nerds” girlfriends of one of my childhood friends. She thought she was not good enough for my new “trendy” girlfriends. We have not spoken of our 16 years to our 22 years. It’s pretty stupid but I never imagined that this overflowing girl of confidence in her could feel it, it’s pretty ridiculous to imagine that each one did not feel good enough for the other. The same subject can be perceived completely differently by two people. Do not underestimate yourself. How many people I thought better than I for years because they were better dressed, they went into a big school when I chose a BTS or because they were super popular with boys. Until I met them and realized that they had nothing more than me, that they lived the same questions as me. It is easier to see the good side of others than his own.
Strengths VS points of improvement
What will be remembered from my journey is that finding a domain where I was gifted boosted my self confidence. This point may seem obvious to some but not to others. Find an activity, whether professional or personal, that breaks you and where you are gifted! Human needs to accomplish things in order to develop. Be aware of your strengths, put forward, be aware of your improvement points to work on them or at least be ready when someone approaches them. I like to say that with the years I managed to put my strengths forward and I learned to jump before I was kicked in the ankles. You see the image? And most importantly stop highlighting your improvement points every time you meet someone while that person had not seen anything. Imagine buying a property: if the real estate agent shows you all the bad sides before the good ones will you want to go further in the visit?
View the big picture
It is quite possible that today you are not at the place where you want to be, we all know moments more or less difficult (I remind you that I packed breads au lait chez Pasquier on my return to France, I had never imagined having the opportunity to see the reverse side of the Pitch decor 2 years ago), detours to reach our goals but see the big picture. For years I have come closer to a somewhat blurred goal, which is taking shape and redrawing a little better each year. The objective is not definitive but to know where you head will help you in your choices, sometimes accepting to step back to jump better and will serve you as a landmark in moments of darkness. Know where you want to go and trust your choices they will take you somewhere.
In North America branding is something you hear very often, create your own brand, you already have an amazing product: you. Create your world, stand out, make yourself attractive. A concrete example: as a commercial I was identified as commercial with glasses, fringe and high heels for those who only knew me by sight, I created my own character. Create and impose your style! Be a person you will not want to forget, that I say that we can not forget! Be yourself, do not try to look like someone else, this person is already taken! Be authentic.
Putting its differences forward.
In a society where people like to put people in boxes put your differences forward, have fun, make it into a force. Growing my buttocks have become more imposing but the top of my body remains all thin. Break heads for example dresses that are often too wide up if my buttocks pass. Fun Fact: When you get your dresses down I’m forced to go through the top. Today I no longer hide this gift of nature, I proudly display them, they are there as much to live with. Another fact: I speak a lot (and there we hear the screams astonishment in the assembly, Astrid speaks a lot? Scoop of the year I saiiiiiiis), I made a force, I made my job! Selling, networking, blog !!
Many will tell you to accept you as you are but if that is not possible then change! There is a lot of support for not wanting to meet a standard, not being dictated to our way of living or living, but you have the right to want to change to get closer to the person you want to be, be. I have changed, I prefer to use the verb to evolve. I have evolved into an ambitious, determined, hardworking person. Better still find you. Identify yourself. Analyze yourself. Do you understand.
Living at 360 degrees.
Do not focus on what you do not have but on what you have: small I obviously wanted stiff hair and call me Pauline Marie Emilie or Julie. Today my hair is fabulous (nothing that yes), they have volume, they are curly, my name is great, it has a story, a canon meaning (Divine beauty, nothing but that yes #2) I do not care what I do not have, I am aware of the richness of what I have. Do the same.
Learning to laugh at myself has been a big step in building confidence in me. Laugh at me before the others do it. When you are able to laugh at yourself you discourage ill-intentioned people who might want to support where it hurts. Being comfortable with this idea will simplify your life. Even if you are attacked on a “sensitive” subject you are ready to respond with a smile.
Presenting you this dress with this pst is not a coincidence. Tobi a Los Angeles based brand offered me a few weeks ago to choose several dresses, I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and take out clothes that I did not have, habit of wearing. A dress with a big neckline when you have a tiny chest and a cross back that forces you to wear it without anything. As I said on Instagram not long ago I would not have been comfortable to walk in a dress with a jobless neckline and no bra. I learned to love my body, to understand that having a big chest was not an end in itself and that there were many advantages: yes we can sleep on the belly without problems ^ ^.
I’ve been silent on the blog in the past weeks but it’s been 2 weeks since I thought about how to shoot this article. I wanted it to bring you some tracks to explore to develop your confidence in you but also bring a personal touch so that you understand where I come from and especially that I did not become the person that I am today of the day on the next day.
Good week mes petits loups à frange.
So much love for you <3
Don’t forget you are awesome !!!
Robe: Toby (je porte du M) – Compensées: Aldo (old co)